The bush is buzzing with rumors that a German Expedition was assaulted by a tribe of Amazons.'They were the fiercest things imaginable.' said Lt. Deiter Wulfen of the Seebatailon.'I tried predicting an eclipse and they just stabbed me!' he further exclaimed. These Amazons are not thought to be related to the coastal Fon Amazons but seem a savage and forgotten offshoot of the Masai. They are rumored to be guarding a lost city filled with treasure so undoubtedly they will be pestered by many more expeditions.
Annual Headhunter's Ball a success survivor proclaims
The Annual Headhunter's Ball was last week and the survivor says it was a huge success. Always a lively event with plenty of dancing and wacky pranks this years ball was no exception. "Some joker thought it would be fun to nail the door shut after we all got in" said the survivor, Bownda, "I have no idea how I ended up surviving, but getting all these heads home is going to be quite a chore."
This Years Gunboats Focus On Style.
After last years refinements in guns many wondered what this years gunboats would do to top them. Now we now, the answer is style. With countless new comfort features this year looks to bring up a level. Cup holders are just the start, padded shooting rails, decorative steam engine motifs, and festive sun covers make this years Gunboats a true must have for any expedition. Still there are doubters, Capt. 'Mad' Jack Fuller said 'Who needs all this junk! Give me a couple of maxims and I'll show any of these fancy boys what a gunboat is for!'
Khamis the Witch
Q: Who are these Amazons everyone is talking about? Aren't they just a legend? Isnt the Amazon river in South America?
A: They are lost guardians of the Blini-Blini. They have been hidden for hundreds of years reveling in lost and forgotten rites of blood and destruction. They are no legend they are the harbingers of your doom! Yes, and your point is?
Q: What’s the best way perk up a dull hut?
A: New pelts are always cheery but be sure they have finished curing before you bring them in.
Q: My expeditions seem to always end with my lads routing. What can I do?
A: Remember to hide whenever possible This is the most commonly forgotten thing even by shooting expeditions.
Q: Recently I was guiding a American Safari and the head said that I wasn't to speak unless spoken to. I later saw a lion stalking him and didn't warn him. He was eaten. Did I do the right thing?
A: You betcha, lions don't care if they are eating a moron or not!
Q: Just a hypothetical question, if I were to have a map to a lost treasure city of the Blini-Blini what should I expect to find if I go there?
A: Death. Explicitly, yours.
Q: If a train leaves Zakuna at 10am and travels at 30mph and another leaves Harahri at 11:30am and travels at 35mph when will the two meet?
A: That is a trick question. We both know they would break down somewhere in between. Most likely one of the trains would be stripped of all its fittings by bandits as well.
Many would be Tanzanican hunters forget the simplest fact of Tanzanican game, it is all hostile. Shoot it first or it will try to find some way to kill you! Many new hunters make the mistake that small game is afraid of them. This mistake is cleared up the first time you have been kicked in the head by a dik-dik!